Blog #11: Adding Action and Description

INT. ABBY'S HOUSE- NIGHT

 

Gibbs and Abby are together, talking at Abby's home in the middle of the night. They are both sitting in her study with papers strewn around them, discussing the stalker situation. Abby is frantic, nervous looking and cannot stop moving. Gibbs is relaxed on the outside, covering his internal fear.

ABBY

"Gibbs, I am really scared about this whole thing. Who is this man and why is he stalking me? If it isn't my ex, who could it be? I did nothing wrong, why do I deserve this?!"

 

Abby quickly stands up out of the chair and begins pacing back and forth infront of Gibbs.

GIBBS

"Abbs, all you can do is relax,  you did nothing wrong and overthinking this is only going to make it worse. We are all working on this and I won't leave your side until you leave for court, I promise."

 

Gibbs stands up and puts his hand on Abby's shoulder, triyng to calm her nerves. Abby seems to begin to relax as if she knows she is in good hands.

ABBY

"You always have the right answers. I don't understand how you went through three wives. You are like a pineapple, your'e rough and tough on the outside and nice and loving on the inside."

 

Gibbs smiles with relief. He sits her back down and begins to leave the room.

GIBBS

"Abbs, you're like my daughter, I want to protect you. Let's stop talking about this. Should I go make coffee?"

Blog #10: Moving the Story Forward

Zeeva and Abby on the phone

ABBY

"Zeeva! Get Gibbs, get Tony, get McGee and get over here, now!"

ZEEVA

"Abby?! What's wrong, where are you?

ABBY

"I'm at home, someone just tried to break in to my house. Get over here now!"

ZEEVA

"Okay! I'll tell GIbbs. We will be there soon, hold on!"

Blog #9: Defining Relationships Between Characters

Gibbs and Abby sitting together at Abby's home in the middle of the night

ABBY

"Gibbs, I am really scared about this whole thing. Who is this man and why is he stalking me? If it isn't my ex, who could it be? I did nothing wrong, why do I deserve this?!"

GIBBS

"Abbs, all you can do is relax,  you did nothing wrong and worrying about this is only going to make it worse. We are all working on this and I won't leave your side until you leave for court, I promise."

ABBY

"You always have the right answers. I don't understand how you went through three wives. You are like a pineapple, your'e rough and tough on the outside and nice and loving on the inside."

GIBBS

"Abbs, you're like my daughter, I want to protect you. Let's stop talking about this. Should I go make coffee."

Blog #8: Effective Dialogue

1) make use of sharp, lean dialogue that moves the story along.

2) Identify the characters by their dialogue; be able to create an image of who they are through how they speak.

3) Make it seem like the reader is eavesdropping.

4) The right words are not readily available for us or the character. Take the "rag bag" and let the un- conscience kick in.

5) Learn about people from other people not from what we have read.

Blog #7: Pieces of the Hollywood Formula

“Opening Scene”

            It begins with Abby sitting in bathrobe in her study, reading Moby Dick. It’s raining fairly hard which is odd for February in Washington D.C. (Flash to stalker). The stalker is walking rather relaxed, yet determined. (Flash to Abby). Abby begins to fall asleep in boredom, regardless of the fact it was eight in the morning. (Flash to Gibbs). Gibbs is at NCIS, in his office, working on a recent case, but he is struggling as he has not felt right all morning. Something is wrong and he does not know why. (Flash back to stalker). The Stalker begins to walk faster and toward Abby’s front door as he is whispering to himself in a raspy voice, almost demonic. (Flash back to Abby). Abby is completely asleep in the chair. (Flash to Gibbs). Gibbs gets out of his chair and heads toward the hallway, destined for the bathroom. The team all look at each other confused. Gibbs rarely acts this way and they are concerned. (Flash back to stalker). The stalker is walking up her steps and eventually reaches the door; he smashes the glass, cutting his hand, as the house alarm goes off. (Flash back to Abby). She is jolted awake and looks out the window to see a man running away from her house and off, down the road. She runs toward the phone, ready to call Gibbs.

“Antagonist Returns / All is Lost”

            After putting Abby’s ex-boyfriend in jail for stalking her, things for Gibbs and the rest of the team could not be any better. Abby returns to work and has more personal time to plan for her testimony in a court case where she witnessed a murder. One night while Abby was playing the mafia wars game “Cantankerous Mafia Rampage” before she went to bed, she gets a call from the stalker and realizes that the ex-boyfriend could not be the stalker and she hangs up in order to call Gibbs. He leaves his house in a panic so he could get to her house as soon as possible. Luckily, since Gibbs doesn’t care what other people think about him, he came all disheveled. Gibbs and Abby stay up together all night drinking coffee, watching old T.V shows and talking about Gibbs past, as Abby has been continually interested in Gibbs pre-NCIS days. Gibbs does not let Abby know it but he is seriously concerned for her because they put the wrong man in jail, and he has no idea who the killer could be. He calls McGee while Abby was in the bathroom and tells him he wants him to reopen the investigation and run some of the fingerprints through the databases again just to make sure they did not miss anything. McGee agrees and heads in to work at 4 am. Abby decides she should start getting ready for the trial she is supposed to testify in because she had witnessed a murder the month prior. She is to be picked up by a federal agent at eight, and Gibbs decides he will stay until she leaves.

“Big Battle”

            The vehicle arrives promptly at eight and Abby says goodbye to Gibbs and that she will see him at work the next day. Gibbs agrees, wishes her luck and heads toward his car. He waits in his car until they leave. Gibbs met the driver but did not see the driver’s badge, however, he trusts him because of the government vehicle. Abby and the driver strike up a conversation immediately and enjoy each other’s company. They discuss her work as the man is truly interested in her and her profession. McGee calls Gibbs and tells him he had a breakthrough and he has a picture in the data base. McGee sends a picture to Gibbs via e-mail and lets him know it. They hang up so Gibbs can access the picture through his o-Pad. Abby and the man continue their discussion as she gets more detailed about how she got to NCIS. Gibbs opens the e-mail and recognizes the picture as the driver of the federal vehicle, the one with Abby. Gibbs immediately calls Abby. As she is searching for her phone, the driver becomes agitated and snatches it out of her hand and chucks it out of the window. She is scared and reaches for the door handle and it was gone. Gibbs call McGee to have him track Abby’s phone as Gibbs turns around and begins driving in the direction of Abby’s house. The driver pulls over in Riverside Park, a few miles from NCIS. McGee calls Gibbs quickly and finds out that the phone is just outside Riverside Park. He rapidly drives that way, scared. Abby and the man are fighting aggressively; she does not want to die. Gibbs finds the phone in the street gutter. Gibbs soon sees the van and drives toward it. He hears loud screams and immediately becomes concerned. At that moment, the van door flew open and the stalker falls out of the van with a taser in his back. Abby is sitting there giving him repeated shocks, making sure he is down for good. Gibbs looks at Abby and smiles.

Blog #6: Story Outline

Set Up:

            At the start of the script, The NCIS investigative team, consisting of Gibbs, Zeeva, McGee and Tony, is sitting at their desks working on the most recent case. It is a quiet day in the office since today is President’s Day, and most of the others in the building are out. Gibbs on the other hand likes having his team work on days that are observed so they can take days off when they please. The Forensic Specialist for NCIS, Abby, is out today because she witnessed a murder and is supposed to testify in the case the next day and she was preparing her papers.

            The phone rang at Gibbs desk, but since he was in the bathroom, Zeeva answered the phone. Abby was on the other end, frantic, asking for help because she is being stalked and the stalker just tried to break into her home. Zeeva desperately searches for Gibbs as she leaves the others wondering. She meets up with Gibbs in the hallways and tells him what’s wrong. He bolts for the office and collects his things. He heads for the elevator then yells at the others to hurry up. One of Gibbs worst nightmares is unraveling before his very eyes; Abby’s life is at risk.

Inciting Incident:

            Upon the arrival of Gibbs and the crew at Abby’s home, they try to find any clues as to who was trying to get Abby. They found a minute amount of blood on the glass of her front door. Abby, of course, has an idea as to who the stalker could be. Her ex-boyfriend John, who is obsessive and has creepy tendencies. They all get back into the car and leave for NCIS as they now will analyze the blood for a DNA match. Gibbs is going with his gut instead and is heading out on his own to find the ex-boyfriend.

Rising Action:

1)      Gibbs is on a hunt to find the ex-boyfriend and cannot find him anywhere. He eventually finds him at work and begins his interrogation.

2)      The blood is dropped in the lab along with other viles, no longer can use the blood for testing dues to contamination.

3)      The boyfriend mysteriously disappears after Gibbs goes looking for him another day.

4)      The ex-boyfriend calls Abby to warn her of her stalker. She gets mad at him and they argue on the phone. Then as she starts to leave the lab, he asks her where she is going, she turns around to find he was outside her window. She calls for Gibbs.

5)      After the ex-boyfriend is caught, he is brought to interrogation and explains his theory of who Abby’s stalker is and has evidence through pictures he took.

6)      Cyanide is exposed in Abby’s lab through an opened package

Climax:

           

Gibbs lets the ex-boyfriend go because they can’t keep him for too long without a lawyer. Gibbs goes back to his desk, to investigate on who the man in the photos is. Abby is to be taken to the courthouse to testify in the case of the murder she witnessed. She goes to the NCIS garage and gets in the van with the driver. She strikes up a conversation with the seemingly nice man. Her phone rings, it is Gibbs, and he knows who her stalker is. At that moment, the drivers hand shoots over to Abby’s phone and he throws it out the window. She is terrified and tries to jump out of the car but finds the door handle is missing. This is her stalker, and the murderer of the trial.

Falling Action:

Gibbs is obviously concerned for Abby’s life and gathers the crew to chase the van down. It is clear that the driver a.k.a. the murderer is not going to the courthouse. He is trying to kill Abby so she can’t testify against the killer. Gibbs gets a pin on Abby’s cellphone and finds that she is at the shipyard. When he arrives he finds the phone in the road and then notices the van parked around back. They hear screams and run over with guns in hand to rescue Abby. They open the van’s side door and the killer falls out, with a knife in his arm and a taser clip on his back. Abby is alright, shaken up, but alright. Gibbs in relieved that she is safe and they call the police to take the killer away.

Resolution:

            The ex-boyfriend is brought back into the interrogation room to discuss his stalking ways and the photos that he took. Gibbs presents a suicide note that the ex-boyfriend wrote to make it look like Abby killed herself. He wanted to make sure that if she was going to be killed, he wanted to be the last one to see her. He is clearly obsessed and needs help. Abby takes the week off of work to recuperate from the tragedy. The killer goes to jail for life and the ex-boyfriend is sent to a psychological center to help him with his mental disorder. Abby’s life is safe again and the investigative team returns to normal. They finish the case they had been working one and everything remains normal in NCIS, for now that is.

Blog #5: Revised Story Concept

An investigative team is trying to stop a stalker who is stalking one of their own; however, someone must reveal their true identity before somebody ends up dead.

Blog #4: Story Concept

An investigative team is at odds with a stalker who is stalking one of their own, however, someone must reveal their true identity before somebody ends up dead.